lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize