forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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