Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
