my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize