Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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