All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she peed on how many people?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
