The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
