Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
