dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
