peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
