Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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