South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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