i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
