We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
