is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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