I am spending my child support on dildos
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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