Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
