Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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