the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
