it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
