i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize