She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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