Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
nutella sex= disaster
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
