I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
