Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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