was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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