Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
