i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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