News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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