definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
