I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
