I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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