Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
