He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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