Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
