He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
