i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
