Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Still dying that you shit outside
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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