This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
