do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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