...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
