That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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