My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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