I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
