dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
