oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
