He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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