I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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