True but thats because hes a fetus.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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