guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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