toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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