I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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