I think i peed on brittanys purse
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
