Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
