So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
