After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
