I wish I could teleport
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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