And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
