I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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