Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
