She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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