And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
