he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
