If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
