Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
