kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
