If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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