I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
