Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
God gave him joint rollers for hands
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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