Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
