Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
