Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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