you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
