First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
