omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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