just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
