I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
