ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
