well you can't waste a boner
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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