Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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