I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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