I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
