The maid of honor just puked.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
