PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
