Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
