If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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