I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
