Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
