Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
