so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
