I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
