Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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