There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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