I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
