I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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