i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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