that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
