this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
